Lost in a Labyrinth

Do you know how much I miss you? No. You don't. You can't maybe. I don't even know if you are still alive or not. This is totally unfair. We had dreams together. Plans. A future. We never took for granted Allah's authority over us. We mentioned His holy name as much as we could and we were aiming Jannah together. What happened? Why is this punishment ya Rab? I can't understand. Verily I am weak and powerless before your decisions but I can't hold it any longer. I don't wanna sound protesting against you but I feel lost. All this silence from Bader's side is slowly freaking me out. It's been a month. No news. I miss him so much. Does he feel the same too? What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he gave up on me? What if he will not come back to me? I am completely destroyed. Inside and outside. I don't think I can ever love someone again.. My hands that he held are cold now. My eyes that he looked are wet. My body that he hugged before he's gone now shivers in destitute. My voice he used to adore is fading away. My smile is dying off. I am almost losing my whole self. It is extremely painful. Oh God please help me. Please don't let me go astray. Make me strong and faithful please. I want to get up for Fajr with him and go to bed after praying Isha knowing that my love is waiting for me there afterwards. I don't wanna get lost in my own thoughts labyrinth.. My chest is shrinking and I can't breathe. Ya Allah.. Unite us again for a good cause and a halal relationship. Ameen.